Do I Run or Do I Let It Be?
by thwipster808
Summary: Nico is freaking out about Will. Better bring in some Big Bro advice.


**A/N: Writing away my anxieties be like**

"Just… Just stop!"

Nico avoided eye contact as he got up and ran away from Will. Will was so taken aback, all he could do was watch Nico's retreating figure. He reached out but had no words to say.

* * *

Nico ran. He ran, not knowing where he was going, just letting his body carry him away. Away from camp, away from people, away from Will. All he felt was panic.

 _What am I doing? What was I thinking? I can't do this… I can't do this!_

Nico ran until his legs felt like jelly. He collapsed near a tree and put his forehead to the trunk. He squeezed his eyes shut, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. His chest was heaving, he couldn't get enough air.

 _Why am I running? Why did I leave? What is wrong with me?_

Nico let out a frustrated cry as he punched the ground. He fell further to the ground, hugging himself and crying even harder. He couldn't even register his thoughts anymore, only panic and pain.

He eventually turned over and stared up at the sky, back against the tree. He could finally catch his breath, though a few tears still fell from his eyes. He watched the clouds pass by, avoiding his thoughts so that he didn't lose the semblance of composure he had just gained.

"What am I doing?" Nico asked himself. He was surprised to hear a response.

"Took the question right out of my mouth." Percy jumped down from a tree and sat himself next to Nico. Nico wondered how long he had been there, but he was too exhausted to ask.

Nico closed his eyes, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. "What do you want," he muttered, mostly speaking on his breath instead of using his voice. He really had no strength left.

"Nico," Percy said without looking at him, "Why are you out here?"

Nico sighed and shook his head, "I don't know."

They sat in silence for a bit, neither moving a muscle. Nico seemed to be steadying his breathing, and so Percy simply waited. He saw most of Nico's panic attack and knew he was emotionally drained. So he'd wait for Nico to speak.

Nico broke the silence. "He keeps wanting to hang out with me. Just us two." Nico kept his eyes down as he spoke. "Why?" He sounded tired, despondent. Percy knew that it was no time to joke to lighten the mood. It was an uncomfortable situation, one he knew he was not the ideal choice for, but he was here. He would be here for Nico, whenever he could.

"Will Solace?" Percy asked.

Nico sighed in response, his shoulders drooping. "I don't know what's happening. But it keeps hurting," Nico spoke softly, clutching the area over his heart. "What does he want from me? I don't understand."

Percy cocked his head to one side as he glanced at Nico. "What does he want? He wants to be with you, Nico. He wants to be more than your friend." He winced, thinking that maybe straight forward wasn't the best approach, when he noticed Nico's breathing becoming more rapid.

"He can't. That doesn't make sense. How could he like me? Me, of all people? That's not right, not possible. I can't—He can't—I just—" Nico closed his eyes again, shaking his head as if trying to dislodge his thoughts.

"Hey, hey," Percy said gently, placing a hand on Nico's shoulder and firmly squeezing it so Nico knew he was there. "Just breathe, okay? Please, Nico."

Percy's hand helped anchor Nico, keeping his rising panic down. He took a few deep, shaky breaths. He rested his head in his hands. "I don't get it."

"What part don't you get?" Percy didn't take his hand away.

"All of it!" Nico suddenly exploded, his whole body tensing. "How can he like me? Do I like him? How can we be together? What does that even mean? None of it makes sense!" Nico was becoming less panicked and more frustrated by the second. He couldn't keep all these thoughts to himself anymore.

"Nico, look at me," Percy pleaded. "Please." Nico slowly raised his eyes to meet sea green ones. Eyes he had once been so paralyzed by, so star struck by. Eyes he now saw as familiar, friendly, and safe. "Will likes you. A lot. I guarantee you that. He wants to hang out with you because he likes being with you. It's not impossible you know." He smiled gently. "As for you, I know it can be hard to tell when you like someone. It's not always this one moment that triggers it. Most times, it's a gradual process. Maybe you don't know if you like Will right now, maybe you do. The important thing is that you're honest with yourself. I know you have walls, Nico, and it's hard to bring those down with others. But you have to at least be real with yourself. Don't hide a part of who you are because you're afraid of it."

Percy looked away and up at the sky. Nico stared at him, wondering where all this wisdom was coming from. "We're warriors," Percy continued. "It's easy to face down ancient Greek monsters. It's hard to face our own." His lips formed a rueful smile. "We both have demons. Those fears that have been instilled in us, they're hard to shake. But they make us stronger, as long as we confront them. Having someone close to you isn't a weakness, it's a strength."

Percy turned back to Nico, and Nico could see the vulnerability in Percy's eyes. He could see all the pain he's gone through, all the hard times, even from before he knew he was a demigod. But, he could also see all the good things he's experienced. Nico knew that Percy was thinking of Annabeth. Without her, Percy probably wouldn't be alive. Not that he lacked ability, but he was her strength, the reason he kept fighting. Nico felt no jealousy, but he did feel something beginning to bloom in his chest.

Nico looked down at his hands, clenching them into fists. He took a deep breath. "I… If I'm being honest… I think… I think I like… him. And I… want to know what it's like… to be close to him…?" Then he shook his head, "But I don't—"

"Stop," Percy held his hand out to stop Nico's train of thought. "Don't go there. I don't know if I'm the first to tell you, but in a relationship, there's a lot you don't know. None of it makes sense, that's just the nature of it. I can't tell you how many mixed signals I got from Annabeth before I just gave up trying to know everything and just took the risk of telling her how I felt." Percy scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I wish I could tell you it gets less confusing, but it doesn't. All you can do is be confident with your feelings and trust the other person. It's hard to be vulnerable with someone else, but trust me when I say it's an amazing feeling to be totally comfortable and vulnerable with another person. It's… scary and relieving at the same time." Percy smiled to himself, thinking about all he and Annabeth had been through together.

Nico could see it on Percy's face – he loved Annabeth with his whole being. Nico couldn't help but smile. Annabeth was lucky to have landed such a dedicated, genuine guy. He wanted that, and for the first time, he thought maybe, just maybe, he could have that. Maybe with someone like Will.

He chuckled, "Since when did you become so wise?"

Percy smirked, glad to see his friend feeling better, "I guess my wise girl is rubbing off on me."

Percy stood up and dusted his pants off, then offered Nico his hand. Nico looked at it for a beat, then accepted it and pulled himself up as well. "So, what are you gonna do now?" Percy asked.

Nico shook his head, trying to avoid saying 'I don't know.' "What do you think, oh wise one?" Nico raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm," Percy stroked his chin as if in deep thought. "Well for starters, you could go back and apologize to Will for running off. I'm sure you threw him for a loop there."

Nico winced, suddenly remembering that he was running from his problems. "Yeah… my bad."

"Probably come up with something better than that, but yeah, good start." Nico lightly punched Percy's arm as they headed back towards camp.

"Then what?" Nico scrubbed at his face to make sure there was no evidence of his crying.

"Maybe, I don't know, tell him how you feel?"

"You say that like it's easy," Nico grumbled.

Percy raised his hands in surrender. "All I'm saying is that it's not so bad being upfront with your feelings. I bet Will would appreciated it, actually." Percy glanced sideways at Nico. "What were you guys even doing that freaked you out anyway? If he made any uninvited advances, I can beat him up for you."

Nico felt heat rise to his cheeks in indignation and embarrassment. "I can take care of myself, thank you. But, ah, he, um, he might've… asked me out?"

Percy stopped dead in his tracks. "… what? He asked you out… and you were confused as to how he felt about you?" He looked at Nico incredulously. Nico only shrugged and kept walking.

"Gods, little bro, you are a mess, know that?" Percy caught up to Nico and ruffled his hair.

Nico glared up at Percy. "I'm not your 'bro', _idiota_."

They kept walking.

"Hey, Percy? …Thanks."


End file.
